Dear Pogue,

A week from now we will be going to a wedding and I will be giving the address🥺 I’ve been given 5 minutes. Like I can say anything meaningful in 6 minutes. Some may be able to but me…? Dream on! So I’ve worked hard to keep it down to 10 minutes. But I’ve worked even harder to have some meaningful content and it hasn’t been easy because, like Christmas messages, wedding addresses have been done to death.

I’ve settled on transactional relationships as my theme. You know what a transactional relationship is? Well, in case, it’s where I do something for you in exchange for something in return and as I’ve spent time musing over this I’ve come to realise that this form of relationship is the predominant relationship in the world you and I know today. So much so that most will not even realise that they are doing this. Everyone appears to want something from their relationships. Employers from employees. Employees from employers. Coaches from students and vice versa. Even husbands from wives and again, vice versa. In fact, so predominant is this form of relationship that, should a person step up and do something for nothing, as an act of kindness, well I’m wondering what’s going on, what did I miss, indeed, can they be trusted?

This transactional world is one with little room for kindness, kindness showing up as actions generated from the person I am, my character, and has nothing to do with who or what you are. It’s about doing something with no expectation of a reciprocating action, no return. And kindness speaks in situations where language may fail. I don’t know about you but, well I don’t always remember what people say to me but I do remember how they made me feel. I remember the person who took time and didn’t rush off to the next thing. Sometimes it’s just a look, a smile, but seeing it I no longer feel alone or on the outside.

Tell me, am I right in thinking that if a rule cannot accommodate kindness then it very likely to be a poor rule? Maybe, taking all actions based on kindness would deliver us better relationships and a better world than we currently occupy?

So I feel the need to prepare an address has handed me a message that has far wider applications than the coming wedding ceremony. But how should I use it? I’ll take your advice. In the meantime I’ll practice a little kindness😊

Yours, making others smile,

Wic