Trust is life

Morning Pogue,

The rattle of the letterbox and here I am, on your doormat, vanilla envelope, first class stamp, no expenses spared. So, what diamond of wisdom do I bring you today?

Well, it’s all about trust and isn’t that what life’s about? We exercise trust in so very many situations. You opened this fine envelope trusting there would be content inside. You sat on your kitchen chair, coffee in hand, preparing to read, trusting the chair would bear your weight. And as your day unfolds you will, as a matter of habit, place trust into so many situations and not even think about it. It’s a habit. It’s your lifestyle.

Pistanthrophobia (n.)

The fear of trusting people due to past experiences
and relationships gone bad.


Now, many of these things that you place trust in are fixed, static things like the chair. Yes, over a period there may be wear and tear but, on the whole, nothing is going to change. Routines are precisely that and are in place to ensure constancy. They only work if they are reliable. Trustworthy.

But there is a sphere of life where trust can have a more tenuous quality and that’s when I am involved with people. As you know, peopling is hard work for me and my experiences with trust may be a contributing factor. Think for a moment. Trust is something that you have to give to another in order that it can exist. That’s kinda crazy isn’t it? Something that can’t exist until its given away? And when you give, you are giving something of yourself. Even more than that, you are deciding to make yourself vulnerable, maybe even just a little, and being vulnerable lays one open. That’s the kicker isn’t it?

Why? Because integrity seems to be in short supply these days and having someone’s trust is not often understood as having a most precious gift. At a macro level I watch leaders, world leaders make promises, report so-called facts, expecting to be trusted and with a very short memory as to what they’ve said. I’ve seen business leaders turn 180 degrees on a pin head when it comes to profit over people. Needless to say I extend no trust in the macro realm but rather approach it with an attitude of ‘whatever’.

It’s in areas far closer to myself that trust comes into play. You and I, we trust each other don’t we? I know there are things we say that we fail to fulfil but I’ve taken stock of these and they are rare occasions and when given, are given with the full intention of delivering. There is no insincerity or mind to deceive. We have a vibe and we both know when something is not right. Sometimes it’s easier to trust that vibe than to listen to the words.

I don’t trust words,
I trust vibes.
People can tell you anything,
But vibes tell you everything.


Not so easy with people you know only a little, you would tell me. But, stop and think. There are people who you stand with, talk with, deal with and it just feels easy. There’s something about them. They are comfortable to be with and exude an openness. These people are often worthy of trust. OK, so you’ve only just met them so don’t bet the whole bank on them, but invest a little and see what returns it yields. Hopefully, being the open hearted, good natured person you are, they will be extending trust in return. Little by little we build.

I would always counsel to go cautiously in the world so, little by little is how I would advise doing relationship. Think of it as an apprenticeship in knowing the other person. Sometimes things have to be done several times to be truly established. But deep foundations make for good buildings that last the test of time. Take your time. I know new relationships can be, oh so exciting but be warned, sometimes that’s all there will be, that initial froth. Again, go cautiously in all areas of life.

I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves and tell me, I love you. There is an African saying which is: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.

Maya Angelou

Me, I have a small handful of people I trust. These are all longstanding relationships. People I can talk openly with and know my words will be handled respectfully. In each relationship there is a vibe, so much so I think we can read each other before we need to speak. Also, I know where the limits of trust lay and what may be too much to ask or tell. Not every person has the same capacities in life and where you excel I stumble behind. Maybe there’s another lesson there. Know what you can give away and to who and do not think poorly of friends who struggle in specific areas. Rather do not become a burden there. Give them something they can handle. They’ll experience the thrill of being trusted and you will have grown that relationship.

Yours, going cautiously yet boldly into today,


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