Hi Pogue,

I’ve spent some time reflecting on your question, “why do people behave as they do?” And I’ve arrived at the conclusion that you really need a psychologist to have any chance of a meaningful answer because people are strange entities. Whilst behaviours can be said to be predictable one can never make a conclusive prediction. How often have I heard it said, “well, that was out of character”. And people change. They really do.

The thing is, we never know what a new acquaintance brings with them. Their history, their expectations, their own agenda and therefore there is always an argument for a degree of caution to be exercised in new relationships. But if any relationship is going to progress then trust has to be introduced and then we become vulnerable. It’s a potential ‘no win’ situation.

So what can we do? Well we have to remember to be kind to ourselves and whilst that sounds obvious, for so many of us there is a tendency to extend kindness to the other, in the belief or hope that they will respond or reciprocate. That’s not always a good strategy and can be the beginning of a journey down a rabbit hole.

One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.

Anon

In our relationships we have to remember to maintain our own wellbeing, our health, be that physical, mental or emotional. If you find yourself struggling in any of those areas you need to take a rain check on the situation. Be a little selfish. Put yourself first. Both things we’ve been brought up to not embrace but both occasionally essential to maintain oneself in a healthy state.

And if you find yourself in a relationship that is becoming one sided or bringing increasing discomfort then ask the big question, “Is this right for me?” Ending the relationship may be painful and see your dreams being shipwrecked but if you’ve reached the place where you are asking the question then the dream is living on borrowed time anyway. There is always another dream to be dreamt although it may not seem apparent in the moment.

All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t appreciate and respect you is actually a gain, not a loss.

Healthy Relationship Tips

I guess this week I would tell you to take care of you. Be kind, be aware of others, but put your well-being first. Move into your relationship from a position of strength and stay there. You’ll do relationships so much better.

Yours, planning for health,

Wic