Monday Musing

Happy New Year Pogue,

The first post of the New Year and, in honesty, it’s been hard to get back to writing after the Christmas period. It’s that time of year when I find my space filled and completely occupied by others. This season has been no different and perhaps busier than previous ones. You see there have been a lot of demands, some expected and some not, with a number of people wanting something from me, normally time.

Now I need my space and I need to be undisturbed if I am going to put words on paper. These letters you receive don’t just magically appear. Plus, if I’m not writing I feel a little bereft. So I begin to become more and more reluctant to give my time but I feel guilty if I don’t. It’s a part of my nature to act to help people in need and this year I’m feeling I need to address it.

So yesterday I said “No” to a request for help (actually, it was more of an expectation). What I did to the relationship I’m not sure. Time will tell. But one thing I do know, I did myself some good. Oh yes, there was an initial wrestling with the compulsion to assist (do I have a saviour complex?) and maybe there’s a little guilt yet to come but I’ve said “No”. It’s a start which I intend to take into the coming year.

Saying no can be the best form of self-care

Fran Hauser

Pogue, it is OK to say “No” and it may be seen as self care. I am currently seeing it as an art form that I need to learn. When I said “No” yesterday I felt the compulsion to give an explanation for my decision. I wanted to be understood. I needed to be understood for fear of being thought of as uncaring or selfish. A little insecurity I guess. But I understand that “No” is a complete answer in itself and does not need explanation. Using “No” can bring a degree of balance into our lives, protect our time so we have some left for ourselves. It can remove us from situations that appear to be going nowhere and thus save our energy, both physical and emotional.

In 2023…

I refuse to please others at the expense of my emotional well-being. Even if it means saying “no” to people who are used to hearing “yes”.

Lulu –

In fact as I write I’m thinking that “No” may be a wake up call for the person requesting my aid because my input into their situation, their life, may be the very thing that allows them to validate destructive behaviour. Behaviour that they need to be rid of.

This year I will be saying a lot more “No’s”. I will probably be accused of being selfish at times, maybe lose a friend through doing so (though the friendship would need to be questioned if this happened), disappoint some people BUT I will be being kinder to myself. That’s important as, when we choose to give, we give from what we have and my bag is currently rather depleted.

Yours, having my own revolution,


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