Kindness Declined

Dear Pogue,

Have you ever had your bank card declined? Stood at the till about to pay for your intended purchase and…your card is declined? I did yesterday. You see I have a card I use when travelling, a card that you have to put money onto first and then you can spend up to that amount. It’s not actually a credit card and I am able to set a limit as to how much money I can spend. A sort of security measure. My problem is I set the limit and then forget to increase it as time goes on so, like yesterday, I hit the limit and my card is then declined despite there being money on it.

Not to worry. Such situations are easily rectified.

But have you ever been in a situation when kindness has been declined? Kindness, a sort of universal currency acceptable most anywhere and in any language, declined. It happens and in such moment I don’t think there is much else to give because any thing offered will be construed as another attempt at kindness.

But who would decline kindness?

Well I’m thinking someone who believes you are the source of their hurt or that you are the one who did them wrong and whilst the situation remains as it is and is not rectified, kindness is seen as just trying to paper over your actions. So if ever kindness is declined there are a series of questions that needed to be asked if you are really concerned and actually want the other person’s highest good. What has gone before that has made this universal currency void? There is always a history leading to the moment. But the questions are worth asking because, assuming you’re concerned, here is a relationship, old or new, that is broken and if you wish to live at peace with all peoples here is a stumbling block.

Stay kind. It makes you beautiful.

Nagware Zebian

You may find, much like my bank card, you need to reset the limits. You may need to give more, go further to achieve the situation you had originally intended. A simple act may turn into a larger task, more time consuming, more costly, and you will have to weigh just how important that original act of kindness is to you. You may be tested and discover a little bit more about yourself.

Then sometimes even with your best efforts you will not be able to give kindness because some peoples attitudes, or hurt, or sense of injustice is so ingrained that you alone will not be able to break through. What do you do in such moments? Be kind anyway. Don’t let yourself be compromised by a pushback or a failure. Kindness can be given away with great affect in so many places and you’ll soon find one.

Maybe one day you’ll be able to return to that failed situation with new resolve and a better answer. Maybe there needs to be an intervention by others. It could be a long journey back for the other party. You do what you can and move on undeterred. The world needs a little kindness.

Kindness is so gangster.


Yours, checking my spending limit,


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