Pogue,

Let me start this letter with a quote:

Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night
You ain’t a beauty, but hey you’re all right
Oh, and that’s alright with me.

Thunder Road, Bruce Springsteen

Yes, the wisdom of Bruce. Not a bad way to start a letter and it fits right in with letters I’ve recently sent you, particularly “Imperfect Or Free?”. Well at least in my mind it does so I better explain I guess.

I wrote you how many become a prisoner to their own life by coming to believe that they need to be perfect, to be something that they are not, normally something, an idea or notion, sold to them by another. They are unable to enjoy all that is currently in their life because it is not good enough, not the right things and a relentless quest begins. It’s a losing battle because perfection is unattainable. However good there’s always room for improvement and life is thrown away by many in an attempt to win the approval of others.

Here’s a thought. Maybe if we don’t come up to the standard of others or a particular other, if they indicate we are not good enough, should be something else, want to model us into something we are not then, maybe, we should walk away from that person/s. Ask yourself, whose interest have they actually got at heart? Yours or theirs? Are they actually just trying to create something for their own fulfilment or gain?

Eliminating other people’s expectations from your life is a magical thing. It sets you free.

Amy Waterman

Yes, there are those who are genuinely interested in your betterment, who will encourage you to do things to improve yourself. Those who want the best for you, who see unrealised potential and possibilities that exist within your life. But their interest is in helping you not in just telling you you’re currently not what they expect you to be, that you’ve failed. And they certainly don’t use the “you’re not good enough, you’ll never be anything” type of language that is heard.

So, as Bruce sings, “you ain’t a beauty, but hey your all right” and it is in that knowledge that we should find release. Sometimes good is good enough, and being with people who except you for who and what you are is the best place in the world to be. People who allow you the space to be who you currently are and apply no pressure for you to be anything else. Oh, yes, they may offer guidance to things that you could bring into your life, or things that may improve it, but these will come without pressure and will be wrapped in the best of intentions. They’ll be delivered with genuine concern and interest for you and what is best for you. But they’ll be no pressure, no sense of failure coming with the advice.

My kinda people. Those who accept you for who and what you currently are, seek the best for you but never become judgemental. Folks as crazy as me. Acceptance is better than being perfect. Acceptance sets one free to be what they are. Perfection, as already discussed can become a prison.

So, maybe if you are feeling pressure to become something you currently are not, if people are pressuring you to be this or that before you will fit in their group or there’s someone who makes persistent demands for you to change, then you’re with the wrong people.

I found my happy place the day I stoped comparing myself to everyone else and just embraced that I’m strange as fuck and oddly out of place and I kinda dig it that way. My weirdness is my magic.

Brook Hampton

Hear Bruce’s wisdom and find those people who see you for who you are but think you’re “all right” anyway. People who don’t know how to judge you. They probably won’t be the “cool” kids but that’s ok and you’ll know that because like a missing piece of a jigsaw, you’ll fit. And you, you’ll need to lay down your expectations of them, learn to except then with all their failings, quirks, differences. It will be good, trust me.

And, oh yes “there’s magic in the night”.

Yours, with no judgement here,

Wic