The Search Goes On


Sometimes we have to give up all we are to become all we can be


Bring em all in, bring em all into my heart
Bring the unforgiven
Bring the unredeemed
Bring the lost and nameless
Let ’em all be seen
Bring ’em out of exile
Bring ’em out of sleep
Bring ’em to the portal
Lay them at my feet
Bring em all in, bring em all in, bring em all in
Bring em all in, bring em all into my heart
Mike Scott (The Waterboys): Bring them all in


Well this is my third attempt to put pen to paper. The previous two letters are now awaiting further judgement, sitting on the desk, possible destined for the bin. What a journey to achieve a single letter that I am happy to post. You see, in writing the previous two letters I have discovered I remain angry with the church. And it keeps seeping out when least expected turning these letters into a rant. It is so tiring. 

Additionally I remain unable to find a community of faith I can be at one with and am proving something of an expert at critiquing the church.

So you ask, if you can’t find what your looking for exactly what is it you are seeking?

When I first ran foul of the church it was due to my understanding and insistence that the church was part of the Kingdom of God, in Jesus speak, and as such should show Kingdom attributes which include demonstrations of power in differing forms. This was not always well received. I’m now rethinking how the church I know is functions as part of the Kingdom.

I now want to add that, having watched the church from outside, the Kingdom is about inclusion. Inclusion of those who may not see things exactly as you or I do, or behave as you or I do or even subscribe to the things you and I do.

Why do I realise this by watching the church?

Because I am seeing so much exclusion. Exclusion of equality for women, for the LGBT community, for those who are racially different in certain churches, for those who are not an easy fit. I am sure you could add to the list.

Let’s return to our thought for the year: “Enlightenment is when the wave realises it is the ocean”. So with the person who enters the Kingdom. Enlightenment will come as they realise that they are not alone, an individual, but part of something infinite, all knowledge and all power. The path to enlightenment will change our perspective on everything. So, as we enter the Kingdom our individuality will wain to be replaced by a sense of inclusion that we can not know anywhere else. I don’t believe a a journey into the Kingdom can be made with the baggage of individualism.

Does this make sense to you or am I rambling?

To enter is to move to a oneness with God where our knowledge is continually increased (eventually to all knowledge). We become more and more empowered with God’s power, which we will realise is our power and, most important, we will be immersed in Love until we become Love.

I am, without doubt, in heretical territory for some, but I find so many promises in the manual that tell me this.

So, question. Where do I find these people? The ones who search for a limitless experience as a result of their increasing encounter with God found in the Kingdom. The ones who experience no prejudice in the presence of others, who are different because they have first experienced God and, so, can be nothing but different. The ones who will release wholeness and wellbeing into the world because they are with God in the Kingdom, in Enlightenment whilst dwelling amongst us.

Is this idealism or am I right to expect more than I now witness at work in the world? 

Should I revisit the teachings on the Kingdom of God from my current experience and understanding?

These letters are proving deeply challenging and provoking. When you gave me that journal you had no idea where this would lead.

Yours, seeking the Kingdom,


5 thoughts on “The Search Goes On

  1. Perhaps you would like to chat with my sister Dawn. She is a Christian and is involved in a Christian community which sounds very much like you would like to connect to. The church is in Soho and I think is called Igthas. Let me know via email if you would like to connect with my sister. Warm wishes Lindsey


    • Lindsey, hi. Sorry to take so long to respond and say thank you but I’ve been on my travels again. I was aware of the church movement (Ichthus) from way back. Nice to be reminded of them. Regrettably there is not a meeting anywhere near to me so the search goes on. I’ve just read an autobiography by Michael A Singer, called The Surrender Experiment, who retreated to the woods to practice his form of meditation and seek oneness with God or Consciousness or whatever title you use. Despite his efforts to avoid people wherever possible he ended up with a temple on his property, two services a day and several thriving businesses. Perhaps it is all about surrender.


      • A brilliant book. Yes, often we are searching for what is right in front of us and surrending to what God / Universe / Life already has planned for us is liberating. The wonderful thing is that Michael Singer remembered this daily, whereas I often forgeth. Wishing you well.


  2. Humm… I’ll leave you with a thought, before I put many thoughts to paper. Why are you trying to find the enlightened? Why not push for a deeper personal encounter with God, there’s always more. Then maybe if it still matters they will find you?


  3. You’re not alone in your struggle with ‘the church’. And I also still haven’t found what I am looking for (cue U2) when it comes to a community of faith that makes me feel comfortable and included – even when my perceptions seem out of whack with theirs.
    I’ve been shunned way too many times because I can’t blind myself to noticing the failure to practice what is preached. I’ve also been incredibly hurt in horrible ways by men and women in leadership positions within the church.
    All of the above causes me to not have community as such. I have no group where I can find solace and support. My cousin and her husband are pastors of a church, and the argument is that I need to come there, despite how I feel, or I will be the coal that dies on the rug as opposed to continually being ignited by the fire of many coals together.
    What is strange is that spiritually I am stronger than I was when I was surrounded by judgment and exclusion. Because that IS the sad reality. I also don’t pretend well, I guess.
    Every year, we don’t just grow older in age, we grow as people. All things need to be revisited, simply because as we grow and mature (and learn painful lessons along the way) our perspectives change somewhat… and if we’re honest, things we used to believe/hold fast to/have already learnt seem to be different to the way we saw and experienced them before. As we learn lessons and begin to change within ourselves, so do our perspectives.
    Anyway, needless to say, this was a great blog post – and for want of a better phrase, perhaps?
    “Seek first the Kingdom” 😉


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